he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
