he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
