My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
