I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize