Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
