You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
