Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
