i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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