How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
