Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
