I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
