i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
