They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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