She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
3 2 1 whiskey
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
