i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
His nipple licking is glorious
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