I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
