I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
