remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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