i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
