I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
last night I used snow as a chaser
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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