if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
