im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
