I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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