Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
