Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i came on her dog
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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