she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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