i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
