I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
