The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
