I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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