My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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