Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sext me about skeletons
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
