Jerry, you need to find god
I CAN MOONWALK!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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