So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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