Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
