You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
