I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
