Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
