I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
