You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
