You're my little dorito
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
