I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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