she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
