I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
