maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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