It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
