every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
