I need to stop coming to work sober
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Come on in and take your pants off
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