you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
