when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
