How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
